Philippa Kaur

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    How to Argue Better and Cope With Conflict—Without Losing Your Cool

    Perhaps you had a few conversations in the past year you regret. Maybe your friend, neighbor, or family member went apocalyptic, and you matched the intensity. Rosalie Puiman, leadership coach and author of The Mindful Guide to Conflict Resolution, says that doesn’t have to be the case. Here are her top tips on how to argue better and cope with conflict.

    1. Drop Your Ego
    “If you’re having a tough discussion, especially around politics—and you want to be constructive—let go of the old paradigm of winning and losing,” Puiman says. Don’t argue to win, but rather to explore the intricacies of another person’s perspective. Shifting the narrative lowers the stakes.
    2. Be Curious
    “A great way in is to ask what the other person’s experiences have been. Be sincere, and share yours, too.” When you disclose something personal and make yourself vulnerable, it can make a divisive topic feel like less of a debate on moral mandates of right and wrong.

    3. Tap Into Unsaid Emotions
    Polarizing issues can automatically trigger anxiety and defensiveness. “The other person might be scared, angry, hurt, or they don’t feel seen. Identify that and say: ‘Wow, I sense so much pain in your words.’ ” Empathy can steer dialogue into neutral territory.

    4. Know When to Walk
    It’s okay to cut bait when things aren’t going well. “Say, ‘I think we’re touching on subjects we absolutely disagree on, and I don’t think it’s helpful to our relationship if we continue this.’ ” Changing the topic isn’t copping out.
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    Why Group Therapy May Be the Best Type of Therapy for Men

    By now, every guy knows that talking about the things you’re going through—be it a divorce, job loss, or plain ol’ unexplainable anxiety—can help with processing emotions. But that doesn’t have to look like chatting one-on-one from a couch: Group therapy is a great option for men who aren’t comfortable talking about themselves, who like to learn from listening and observing others, or who are currently missing that feeling of community support, says Rachel Kazez, therapist and founder of All Along, a consulting firm that pairs people with therapists. Group therapy may be the most approachable form of talk therapy. Without any of the personal pressure, it’s like having a beer with your buddies, except some people talk about their feelings.

    These days, group support often looks like anywhere from four to 15 people (all men, if you like) hopping on a Zoom call, talking through current struggles and recent wins. These sessions are usually led by a licensed counselor or therapist, and there’s no need to share if you don’t want to. But many people find that watching others work through hardships helps them figure out their own tribulations, Kazez says.

    She adds that if you’re looking to process a specific trauma or want a place where you can talk non-stop, then personal sessions might be more beneficial. But a group can act as a bridge if you’re not quite ready to divulge your biggest qualms one-on-one yet. (Bonus: It’s usually cheaper, too.)

    Of course, it’s all about finding the right one, Kazez adds. The attendees and leaders set the tone, so shop around until you find a good fit.
    Illustration of men in group therapy Illustration by Kagan McLeod
    There are great virtual sessions offered by online platforms like EVRYMAN and Hims & Hers. If you want the option to meet in person, ask local clinics or therapists about groups currently meeting remotely. Don’t know where to start? Tap a service like Kazez’s All Along or MyWellbeing, which emails personalized matches, to help you navigate and narrow down the possibilities.
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    How to Get Smarter and Be a More Informed Citizen

    With each year, your habits, beliefs, hell, even your vocabulary can seem to grow stagnant. But with a little effort, you can keep your mind malleable, get smarter, and be a more informed citizen. Try these strategies and apps.

    Expert Ways to Get Smarter and Be More Engaged Citizen
    1. Break Out of Your Bubble
    “We’ve become strangers to each other in sadly dangerous ways,” says learning and development consultant Paula Green. “Set aside time to talk to someone who voted differently or who lives a different lifestyle from you, and really listen. Ask them, ‘What’s important to you?’ Be curious, not cajoling. You might find that your needs are not that different from theirs.”

    2. Volunteer
    Lend your energy and expertise to those who need it, and you’ll pull back the curtain on a different slice of life—and feel valued for your efforts. Luckily, it’s easier than ever to find a volunteer opportunity that suits your availability and expertise: Peruse sites like VolunteerMatch, Catchafire, and HandsOn Connect.
    Illustration of a man reading on subway Illustration by Kagan McLeod

    3. Keep Learning
    Your dorm days might be in the rear view, but that doesn’t mean you need to rely on a stash of edibles for mind expansion. Thousands of college courses are available for free online—including over 500 from Ivy League schools like Harvard, Cornell, and Princeton. Whether you’re looking to learn coding, go deep on Bitcoin, or tackle Shakespeare again, you’ll likely find a lesson plan for you. Bonus: Most are self-guided and taught virtually. To narrow down the offerings, use Class Central.

    4. SHARPEN YOUR SCREEN TIME
    Stop the mindless scrolling and bolster your brain with this trio of apps: Climb makes it easy to expand your vocabulary via fun, personalized quizzes with clues that include animated GIFs. Lumosity trains your brain through memory, multitasking, and focus challenges, sharpening skills that have real-world applications. And Memrise is like TikTok for learning a second language. Instead of memorizing awkward, outdated textbook phrases, you learn common phrases and slang from native speakers in snack-size videos.
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    How to Be More Efficient With Your Time and Energy

    Remember in March when we thought that working from home would give us the opportunity to learn an instrument, get super fit, or renovate the basement? Yeah…most people are apt to dawdle away gained time. It takes a lot of work to be efficient with your time and energy.

    “The biggest mistake is not having a plan,” says Craig Jarrow, founder of Time Management Ninja. The foundation of time management is a to-do list. That’s not some 50-task monster checklist. Every day, try to home in on your top five priorities.
    “What stops people from being productive isn’t that they’re not doing enough, it’s that they’re trying to do too much,” says productivity coach Grace Marshall, author of How to Be Really Productive. Instead of giving anything 100 percent, you’re giving everything 10 percent.

    A paper to-do list is super visible, and gives you the satisfaction of crossing things off, says Jarrow. “But apps have superpowers paper does not.” Apple’s Things app lets you create individual tasks (like errands), or larger projects with sub-tasks (like vacation planning), and assign deadlines; then it integrates your calendar to show you what’s on deck.
    Illustration of man juggling fitness, cooking, hobbies, work, and relationships Illustration by Kagan McLeod
    Just note, “if you overestimate how much you can get done in a day, you can under-estimate how much you can do in a year,” says Marshall. That’s how fitness, self-care, and time with friends and family fall by the wayside. Plan for those up front by scheduling vacation time in the beginning of the year, or penciling in workouts every other day.

    “People see stopping in the moment as a waste of time, but making space for these things over the course of the year actually makes you more productive, because it prevents burnout,” Marshall explains.
    It can also make you more accountable. Maybe you have a coworker you check in with every morning to share your plan for the day, or a running buddy you text every time you pound the pavement. Even a free app like Habit List can track healthy behaviors (like reading daily) so you can build momentum and get that same sense of accomplishment as crossing something off a to-do list.

    The most important thing: Stop living in your email, says Jarrow. Tools like SaneBox can filter your inbox so you stop experiencing that Pavlovian response to react to every single notification the second it pings. “
    Try only checking it three times a day,” he says. You’ll be shocked how quickly you forget what it’s like to be chained to that “new message” alert.

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    5 Ways to Be Happier Now, According to a Life Coach

    In the pursuit of happiness Austin, Texas, life coach Bryan Daigle helps people see big life changes more clearly—from career jumps to relationship overhauls. Here’s some of his sage advice—free of charge.

    How to Chase the Pursuit of Happiness
    1. IDENTIFY YOUR MOTIVATION FOR CHANGE
    “There are two types of energy,” Daigle says. “The energy to move away from something, and the energy to move toward something else.” Say you want to relocate across the country because your wife just filed for divorce. Is this a catalyst for change you’ve been too complacent to act on, or are you running away?

    2. KNOW IT’S NEVER TOO LATE
    “You’re capable of more change than you think, but that voice in your head inspiring a revolution will get only quieter the more you suppress it.” Heed that internal monologue, and don’t shy from shifting gears. Give yourself permission to ditch your current track to pursue your real passion, or reconnect with someone with whom you’ve lost touch.
    3. THINK BACK FROM YOUR FUTURE
    Not to get too morbid, but think about your life from your deathbed. “What decisions will you be most proud of? What will you wish you had done? What things seem so important now that are actually inconsequential?” This can shuffle your priorities in a big way.

    4. NAME YOUR EMOTIONS
    Fear is one of the biggest roadblocks to change. “By naming it and putting it in front of you, it can’t sabotage you from behind. Afraid of not making as much money in a new career? Say it out loud, then you can assess it.”
    5. STEP OUTSIDE YOURSELF
    When making a big decision, you want to be in the right frame of mind. “Sometimes that means going into nature or embarking on a road trip. Find something that grounds you, so you’re not coming from a place of high emotionality.”

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    Bryson DeChambeau Invests in Mark Wahlberg's Supp Company, Performance Inspired

    You could say Mark Wahlberg’s most at home when he’s training. His inner drive is genetic and by some standards borderline obsessive—but that’s why the man’s so successful. He previously spoke with Men’s Journal about his daily routine, saying “breakfast is at 3:45 a.m., by 4 I’m training, 5 a.m. is prayers, and I’m golfing at 6.” So it was only natural for him to make a personal venture into supplements. Enter Performance Inspired.
    After all, what better way to maximize recovery and gains than to have a direct hand in optimizing pre-workouts, BCAAs, creatine, and bars? From the beginning, Wahlberg adopted a startup mentality, hustling to research the competition and reaching out to distributors (you can read all about his journey into the supplement biz here). His partner, Tom Dowd, worked at GNC for 25 years and was involved with an exhaustive range of product development. His know-how and Wahlberg’s determination to provide clean, natural products to everyone from student athletes to weekend warriors made PI a success.

    Now, they’re welcoming a new ownership union with pro golfer Bryson DeChambeau. He’ll take an active leadership role in shaping PI’s line of products and work with Wahlberg to inspire others to lead healthier lifestyles through fitness and nutrition. (We foresee many brainstorms happening over a round of golf.)
    “The PI team created a full line of all-natural, clean products you can trust and their commitment to quality is what drew me to their products,” DeChambeau said in a press release. “I look forward to helping them develop more products and introducing healthy options to the golf and fitness community. Everyone is looking for healthy options on the course and at home, and I can’t wait to help inspire others to improve their golf fitness and their overall health, the right way!”

    The hope is to develop a “Golf Fitness” strategy largely influenced by DeChambeau. (If you’ve been following his 40-pound bulk-up, you know why.) DeChambeau’s been creating a buzz ever since he beefed up—prioritizing strength, flexibility, and nutrition—and started driving the ball, on average, 322 yards. He finished the 2020 PGA Tour season as the longest hitter in the history of professional golf. If it seems like DeChambeau and Wahlberg are a match made in heaven, that’s because they are.

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    Scientists Investigate: Is a Low-Fat, Plant-Based Diet Better Than Keto?

    It can be supremely frustrating trying to figure out what type of meal plan works best for you. There are so many fads and trends, all battling against solid advice and reputable research. Finding the right nutritional balance can be overwhelming—fast. It’s enough to make a guy give up and revert to continuously snacking on bags of baby carrots. But a recent study from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has shed a little more light on this diet dilemma by pitting perennially dueling macros—carbs and fats—against each other. What’s better: keto or a low-fat, plant-based diet?

    In the small but controlled four-week study, researchers analyzed 20 diabetes-free adults and found those who ate a low-fat, higher-carb plant-based diet consumed fewer daily calories—550 to 700 fewer—compared to subjects on a low-carb, higher-fat animal-based plan, or a ketogenic diet. And, even though the subjects on the low-fat, high-carb diet consumed less overall, they ended up with higher insulin and blood glucose levels. Possibly a result of three-quarters of their meals containing carbohydrates.

    None of the subjects gained any weight even though all had access to three meals a day, plus snacks, and could eat as much as they wanted. There were also, between the two diets, no differences in hunger, enjoyment of meals, or satiety. And though both groups also lost weight, only the participants on the low-fat diet burned off a good amount of body fat (plus the high-fat subjects didn’t gain any fat).
    The study macro breakdown for the plant-based, low-fat diet folks was 10 percent fat and 75 percent carbs, while the animal-based, low-carb people ate 10 percent carbs and 76 percent fat. Each meal included about 14 percent protein. All meals were minimally processed with about the same amounts of veggies.
    Chelsea Kyle for Men’s Journal

    “Interestingly, our findings suggest benefits to both diets, at least in the short-term. While the low-fat, plant-based diet helps curb appetite, the animal-based, low-carb diet resulted in lower and more steady insulin and glucose levels,” said study lead Kevin Hall, Ph.D., a senior investigator at the NIH.

    “Despite eating food with an abundance of high-glycemic carbohydrates that resulted in pronounced swings in blood glucose and insulin, people eating the plant-based, low-fat diet showed a significant reduction in calorie intake and loss of body fat, which challenges the idea that high-carb diets per se lead people to overeat. On the other hand, the animal-based, low-carb diet did not result in weight gain despite being high in fat,” he said.
    Though the study doesn’t provide a solid answer to whether or not you should eat carbs over fat or vice versa, it does help show that consuming too many carbs daily can mess with your insulin levels, which over the long term, could lead to pre-diabietes or worse. And that, as has been shown before, eating high levels of fat doesn’t neccssairly lead to weight can or increase in fat stores.
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    Nonalcoholic Beers That Taste Like the Real Thing

    Overdoing it on beer was too simple this year. As the pandemic and pugnacious politics upended 2020, cold IPAs were accessible salves for frayed nerves. One could quickly lead to two, four, or more—today’s stress relief bringing tomorrow’s hangover. But in a world off its axis, people are increasingly looking to assert control when it comes to drinking. There’s a real trend toward abstaining from alcohol and moderating intake. Luckily, that no longer means giving up great-tasting beer. “Shifts in drinker perceptions and advancements in brewing technology suggest we’re on the brink of a nonalcoholic beer renaissance,” says Jim Koch, chairman of Boston Beer Company. These nonalcoholic beers prove that when it comes to flavor, nothing really is something.

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    10 Nonalcoholic Beers That Taste Like the Real Thing
    1. Athletic Brewing Company Upside Dawn Golden Ale
    Meet one of America’s fastest-growing nonalcoholic breweries, thanks to a proprietary brewing process that leads to boldly flavored bevs. Upside Dawn unites organic German and American malts in a floral, 50-calorie package that drinks light and easy. As such, it’s become popular among the adventure set.
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    2. Suntory All-Free
    Japanese brewers ran through more than 400 formulas before cracking the code on All-Free, a beer-inspired refresher made with malt barley and hops. It’s reminiscent of a seltzer, full of strong carbonation and flavor, but with zero calories, sugar, and alcohol since they nixed the fermentation process altogether. What’s more, there are no artificial flavors or sweeteners.
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    3. Lagunitas Brewing Company IPNA
    Clever name, eh? Lagunitas spent a year refining its first nonalcoholic brew, which was just released this December. Like its flagship IPA, this dank little number packs a pungent profile of citrus and pine trees, since it’s dry-hopped with several Pacific Northwest hops like Citra and Columbus from the Yakima Valley. It clocks in under 100 calories to boot.
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    4. Samuel Adams Just the Haze IPA
    Hundreds of yeast strains were tested to create this nonalcoholic hazy IPA (nationwide release early 2021). Wheat and oats amplify the body, while Citra, Mosaic, Sabro, and Cascade hops impart a fragrant profile of pineapple, peaches, and grapefruit. The head retention and gold color are similar to Samuel Adams‘ New England IPA. How wicked is that?
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    5. Ceria Brewing Company Grainwave
    Blue Moon creator Keith Villa’s second act is Ceria, a Colorado brewery focused on nonalcoholic beers made with (and without) THC. Grainwave is a medium-bodied, Belgian-inspired witbier flavored with blood orange peel and coriander and just 77 calories per serving. THC-infused brews (5mg) are available at licensed dispensaries.
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    6. Surreal Brewing Company Natural Bridges Kölsch Style Ale
    Surreal Brewing Company‘s 17-calorie bev is named after a California marine preserve and based on a German kölsch—an ale fermented at colder temperatures for a balance of subtle fruitiness and refreshment. The beer’s soft malt profile goes great with salads and roasted chicken.
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    7. Heineken 0.0
    Heineken has pulled off a delicious magic trick: This gently fruity 69-calorie lager tastes nearly identical to the full-strength original thanks to a unique process of brewing several batches of beer, then blending them.
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    8. Bauhaus Brew Labs “Nah” Helles Lager
    After Bauhaus co-owner Matt Schwandt was hospitalized with acute pancreatitis and had to give up alcohol, he began developing the “Nah” line of nonalcoholic beers. This bright take on a German-style helles lager (meaning pale in color) is made with German hops and malts for a traditional character of fresh-baked bread.
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    9. BrewDog Wake Up Call
    BrewDog‘s brunch-ready stout offers a different kind of buzz. It’s brewed with coffee for a pleasant pick-me-up, while oats and a sprinkling of milk sugar lactose lend smoothness to the roasty sip. FYI: The beer contains 39 mg of caffeine per 12-ounce serving (a bit more than a can of Coke).
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    10. Clausthaler Santa Clausthauler
    For a jolly, alcohol-free holiday tipple, sip Santa Clausthaler. The latest nonalcoholic beer from Germany’s Clausthaler—a leader in the category since 1979—is flavored with cinnamon and cranberry for a festive kick.
    Get it
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